Another elevator pitch

My coach gave me some feedback on the last version of my pitch, so I wrote a new one - completely different in tone.
Here's what I do:

• I "sight-read" software and figure out what it does from the point of view of an expert user.
• I get up to speed on the product on the first day - with or without documentation.
• I produce actionable results every day, either defect reports or usability recommendations.

Here's how I do it:

• I'm an engineer and a developer. I know the terminology and development process details.
• I can infer most of what the product (or interface) does from the UI.
• I know how to talk to developers and explain what's wrong on their terms.
• I produce detailed reports with complete steps to reproduce every problem.
• I'm very thorough and explore all possibilities to find obscure problems and inconsistencies.
• I recommend ways to make the product or interface more efficient, reliable, and friendly.